retro vs. old fashioned

There are some names that just seem old fashioned and others that can become "retro." What makes that distinction?

Examples:

Jack - retro
Kermit - old fashioned (my Granddad had a friend named Kermit which I think is awesome.)

Margaret - retro
Mildred - old fashioned

...and so on.

A couple of my favorite "retro" names are Henry and Evangeline. A few of my favorite old fashioned names are Herman, Floyd, Bertha, Bessie...oh my. I think that list could go on forever.


Check out this website on popular baby names of the 1900's if you feel like being amused for a little while.

starry night

This may be one of the most beautiful photos I've ever seen:

Starry Night Picture, Utah Wallpaper -- National Geographic Photo of the Day

shattered

My windshield was busted this weekend. I walked to my car, sat in the driver's seat, and then I saw it. Something had been forcefully brought to the windshield and created a spiderweb after effect. I immediately started thinking if other (maybe even worse) damage had been inflicted. Had someone just taken pent up wrath on my car? Thank God, the answer is no. There is no other damage. Just one spot in my car that created several long, curving cracks spanning the height of my window.

How could someone do that? Why would someone do that? I'm imagining someone walking along the sidewalk towards my car. They took something (a rock or something else) and with all their might, slammed it to the window. It wasn't their property - they didn't even know who's it was.

It was just a car. Sitting there. And they felt the need to destroy a part of it.

I really wasn't mad. Just hurt. And then really sad for that person. Especially, since it's Christmastime. This is a time of giving and joy and profound love. This person doesn't feel that, obviously.

I'm praying for that person. And I'm very thankful to now have a fixed windshield.

pressing ahead

I don't know how the conversation came up, but I was talking to one of my roommates about a runner from several Summer Olympics back. He was running in the 400 and in the second to last lap, something popped in his hamstring. He fell to the track in excruciating pain. But rather than be carried off in a stretcher, he hobbled towards the finish line. His father ran down from the stands and helped him during his last lap. The scene is depicted in this Visa commercial. I'm inspired by it - perseverance and tenacity at its best.

This started me thinking about races and working towards a goal. For Derek Redmond, even though a gold, silver, or bronze medal would not be waiting for him, it was the promise and commitment to finishing what he had started.

What is my goal? I was reminded of Philippians 3:12 - 14. It's one of my favorites that really helps me to keep things in perspective.

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

hope is a good thing

Check out www.GivesMeHope.com - I love it, especially this one entry:

Today when I was working an adorable older couple came through my line. When I asked if they had found everything they needed, the woman looked at her husband and said "I found everything I needed 43 years ago." GMH.

a wise man once said...

I love quotes. I'm not sure why except maybe it's because my own words fail me sometimes (or maybe most of the time...whatever.)

Here are a few that I've been thinking of lately.

"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne
(My mom is especially a fan of this one. What about it? So we love lunch.)

Another A.A. Milne -

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."

And lastly -

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..." - John Donne

Another thing I like about quotes is the fact they can mean different things at different times. Maybe they have a tremendous impact on you at one point in your life. At another point, it may lose it's potency. Or someone else may read the quote and understand why you (or I) love it. Another person may shrug their shoulders. A real, good quote is something that could completely change your outlook. Now that's a lot to put into one or two sentences.

I'm always on the hunt for good, new quotes.

my thoughts on a rainy day

I've already started to mentally compile my Christmas list. I wish I could say that I'm thinking of all the wonderful things that I could give people, but no. Unfortunately that is not the case. I am, on the other hand, actually thinking of things that I want this Christmas. (Yes, I'm 24 - do I not act like it?)

My previous quandary about buying a new phone vs. buying a winter coat has come to this. I need a new winter coat. It's time. And I need to stop getting distracted by all the pretty (albeit unnecessary) things I'd like to own.

I'm not sure what I should buy though. I'm at a weird point in my life (which has been basically the theme of this blog) and I'm not sure what kind of coat to invest in - professional or versatile or outdoorsy? Should I go for the belted trench coat that would look great as I trudge to work? Or should I go for the North Face jacket-esque one that would be great for all the mountain climbing that I will definitely be doing in the future.

Oh, dilemmas. And oh dilemmas that really aren't dilemmas but are taking up way too much brain power.

belted

I've noticed a trend this season. (Disclaimer: it probably was around last season, but I didn't notice it as much.) That trend is belted short-sleeved sweaters. There are many good things about this article of clothing.

1. It's a sweater. One of the redeeming qualities of cold weather is the fact that one can wear a sweater. They're comfortable, soft, and automatically make me feel warm - all good things.

2. There's a belt. Belts are flattering. They cinch the waist and give that nice hourglass look.

3. You aren't limited to just wearing the sweater. You can layer very easily with it and even show off whatever you are wearing underneath. Layering = good.

Those are just a few of the many good things about belted short-sleeved sweaters. My one bone to pick is this:

Why are they short sleeved? Aren't short sleeves kind of...I dunno, defeating the purpose of the sweater? Don't get me wrong. I love them. Personally, I can't seem to give up 3/4 shirts/jackets/cardigans - but why not give them about 6 inches more fabric?

courtesy of ms. griffin

We're gonna go way beyond the walls of this fortress
And we won't be afraid, we won't be afraid,
and though the darkness may come our way
We won't be afraid to be alive anymore
And we'll grow kindness in our hearts for all the strangers among us
Till there are no strangers anymore

an awfully big adventure

I'm such a sucker. I'm a sucker for movies that make me cry. My current crying movie is "Up." I pop it in and BAM. I don't even know where the tears come from, but here I am - my heart is heavy for computer animated fictitious characters.

Why is that? Am I a glutton for emotionally manipulating myself? Well, that may be a little true, but really - I love the story.

It's cute. Inspiring. Creatively made. Carl Fredericksen thinks that his life is over after his wife dies. And for a short time, he does live something of a half life. Gets up, has his routine, goes to bed. Then, through a wonderful turn of events that only Disney and/or Pixar could create - we have our message. Life isn't over. You can't just stop living. Start a new adventure despite how scary and daunting it may be. "Adventure is out there..."

You may find yourself living a life you never imagined possible. It may not be the same kind of adventure, but it'll be an adventure, none the less. To complete the quote for the title: "to live will be an awfully big adventure."

If you don't believe me, you'll just have to watch it yourself. Let me know how much you love it because you will.

live like you're dying

Right now, I'm reading the book Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. It's won a Pulitzer which obviously speaks volumes about the quality. But moreover, it's a compelling story written from the perspective of a dying 70-something-year-old man. I never thought I could identify with someone who is (demographically speaking) opposite from me in every sense of the word. Or something that may actually sound morbid (but on the contrary is not.) It is compelling and I find myself thinking that I may actually learn something from this book of fiction.

I especially identified with this quote:

"This morning I have been trying to think about heaven, but without much success. I don't know why I should expect to have any idea of heaven. I could never have imagined this world if I hadn't spent almost eight decades walking around in it. People talk about how wonderful the world seems to children, and that's true enough. But children think they will grow into it and understand it, and I know very well that I will not, and would not if I had a dozen lives. That's clearer to me every day." (page 66)

I think I realize that "growing up" is not just something that happens between the ages of 1 - 25. I think growing up is something that will happen for...well, forever.

And maybe this story is so compelling because in facing his (narrator John Ames) true mortality, his true vitality begins to show. I mean, what does it really mean to be alive, after all? Now that is deep.

barley field

Barley Field, New Zealand

Photograph by Gemma Collier

The little background story of this photo is especially bittersweet. For some reason it just touched me.

Happy Friday, all.

soapbox

Jon and Kate Gosselin (do you hear me?) you NEED to stop giving interviews. For crying out loud people, if these are such big issues that are obviously personal - do you need to inform the rest of America? For the love of having a million children to care for, please stop talking to the press and get your lives together behind closed doors. Please and thank you.

how to prioritize, kind of

Currently, I'm sifting through a lot of dilemmas. Dilemmas about future plans, life in general (wow, that's all-encompassing), and on a smaller scale - how to spend my money.

I don't have any real clarity on the subject, really. Sorry to disappoint my 3.45 readers out there. But I do realize that it is important to prioritize. What is most important to me in life? At the end of the day, what will I be thinking about?

Example of my smaller scale dilemmas. I need a new winter coat. I found one and I like it a lot. It's expensive, but it's a good investment, right? Ok that's not actually my dilemma. My dilemma is that I also have discovered that I want a new phone. I don't need a new phone, but I want one.

How to prioritize? Do I need to keep warm this winter or be able to check my e-mail on my phone while looking up movie times? Ok. Maybe I just answered my own question...

indecisive

I found this uber interesting website when I typed "what should I eat for lunch?" into a Google search.

What will the internet think of next? Maybe it can plan out my life for me next...

bookworm remembered

Do you remember Book-It? It may have been 23.4% (note: not a scientifically proven percentage) of the reason I was such a voracious reader in the first grade.

Apparently it's still around. Yes, little Americans, keep reading! And get free pizza.

Wait, why is this only for children? Can they have a grown-up version of this please?

head scratcher

Does it mean that I'm getting old if I look at other 24-year-olds and think they look old?

diversion

I don't even know that much about the show Mad Men. But this is fun. If you have a couple minutes, check it out. You too can turn yourself into a cigarette smoking, martini sipping ad exec from the 60's. (www.madmenyourself.com)

PS. Click on the picture to see a larger version of it. Yeah, it's me.

comfort food

What is it about certain foods that are a go-to when having a bad day? Peanut butter & jelly? check. Anything carb-loaded and preferrably with chocolate? check.

Right now I'm really enjoying Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits. Triscuits are great in and of themselves. Granted, sometimes when I'm eating them I feel like I'm eating something with the texture of mulch, I enjoy them anyway.

Eat them, enjoy them. And put some cheese on them, too. Oh and vino. Yummy.

taking care of business

I felt super productive this weekend and please excuse me as I give myself a big pat on the back.

I ran several errands on Saturday and felt quite accomplished in checking them off my list. I washed and then proceeded to wax (part of) my car. In doing that, I noticed that there were several small spots that needed a little paint. So, being the grown-up and proactive young woman that I am...(intentional pause), I went to Advanced Auto Parts and successfully purchased a matching paint for my car.

I painted those spots with the nail polish looking brush and knew that this was a moment to remember. Previously, my dad had been the only person to tend to those things. I'd go to my parents' house and he'd commence a thorough inspection of my car. He'd recommend doing this or that. And I'd usually "supervise" while he'd get my car back to its fighting weight.

But now, I'm going to do that. If I see a problem with my car (or something else), I'll try my darndest to fix it.

And a shout-out to Advanced Auto Parts. They've been helpful not once, twice, but three times in my experiences there. Maybe it doesn't hurt that I'm a confused looking 24-year-old girl, too.

from where I stand

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

- Romans 5:1-2 (italicized for emphasis)

bust a move

I found this interesting article on psychologytoday.com. We live in a rather sedentary culture. Unfortunately, I don't have the statistic on the number of people who work sitting down, but I'm sure the number would be astounding. In addition, a majority of popular recreation requires sitting. Watching a movie, eating at a restaurant, being on the computer: all sitting.


I'm one of those masses who sits all day and then partakes in activities after work that usually require sitting. Well, that's it. Maybe I just need to stand more, stretch, and maybe take a nice jaunt around the office more often. Or, as one of my former co-workers used to say, "get my blood flowing."

sleepy head

I'll make this short and sweet.

I'm exhausted today. No, I didn't suffer from a bout of insomnia and only slept 2 hours last night.

Oh, no. That would make too much sense.

I slept a whopping 9 hours last night. And today: I feel like I was hit by a truck. I'm opening my mouth and unintelligible words are coming out. This is unfortunate because my job is customer service.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I'm patting myself on the back for going to bed early (e.g. 10 o'clock), but then wake up feeling like a Mack truck had a field day with me. What's the deal?

Maybe too much of a good thing is actually bad. And in my case, that good thing is sleep.

I think I'm that type of person who actually functions better on less sleep. But doesn't that seem...I dunno, paradoxical? Sleep is supposed to be part of balanced lifestyle.

This is my Monday epiphany.

like jonah, maybe

Since moving here 2 years ago, I immediately began scheming what I would do afterwards. I think I have this sort of mentality entrenched in me. What else is there to do? What else is out there? It really just boils down to not being content.

So here I am. I'm still here after 2 years of thinking that "okay, any day now...I'm gonna up and move somewhere new. On to the next chapter..." But I'm not moving. I'm still here. What is God trying to tell me in that? Am I running from what God has planned for me? Am I pushing back from my own version of Ninevah?

I guess we'll see. I'm praying that I won't be afraid to move somewhere else, but also that I won't be afraid to stay if it comes down to it.

news ticker

I had a conversation recently about what it would be like to see people's first impression of you. What if it appeared like a news ticker across the person's forehead? For example:

You: "Hi, I'm so-and-so. It's nice to meet you what's-your-face."
Them: "It's nice to meet you, too." (posted on forehead: wow, this person seems like a jerk. or wow, this person seems really cool. or it's gotten really chilly. where's my jacket?)

I realize this may come back and bite me, but I'm actually really curious. How do people perceive me/you/everyone?

Should any weight be given to first impressions?

My take on this: I think there is something to be said about first impressions. I mean, how you advertise yourself to the world says something. If you're going to wear a belly shirt and super-tight jeans, you might not get the kind of respect you want (just for example.) Yet, I find that first impressions are usually off the mark. I can't really get to know or understand someone after a 5 minute conversation.

It takes time. I guess most things take time...but that would take me on a tangent.

Point being, first impressions are funny. Maybe not ha-ha funny, but I have a morbid curiosity to know what people really think of me upon first meeting.

ode to summer

I'm not good at poetry. I can write haikus though, so here it goes.

Green leaves will sleep now
The world will begin to cool
Farewell sweet summer

And by "can write" haikus, it means I can write 5-7-5 syllables.

2009 was the first time I really felt like I didn't experience summer. I did have a wonderful family vacation, one of my best friends got married, laid out by the pool a couple times, but really - the whole getting-three-months-off thing seems like ancient history. No complaints. It's yet another rites of passage. I, [insert name], am no longer a child. I am adult, hear me roar! I don't need summer vacations!

(Note: dripping sarcasm bordering on a bold face lie.)

Hello, autumn.

snowy evening wanted?

I'm not feeling very inspired today. Nor have I really for the past several days. I went back to MD over the weekend and visited the fam and a few friends - which was wonderful. After spending the last few days feeling overbooked and really tired, I wasn't left with much in between. The last thing I could do was begin to articulate intelligible thoughts in either my mind or on [electronic] paper. Have you ever felt wasted before? And I'm not speaking in the frat boy sense. I think I need a retreat. In the mountains. In a luxury cabin, of course. With lots of cable television. Or at least a shelf full of books.

Mr. Frost makes me feel serene with his idyllic scenery and description of simplicity and starkness. Maybe I could jump into one of his poems.

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

oh hello glamour

Kate Beckinsale does it well in a Jil Sander strapless gown. Glamorous is the word. Note to self: you can't go wrong in a floor-length black dress accented with tasteful bling. Oh and being Kate Beckinsale doesn't hurt either.

ignorance is not bliss

After a long hiatus, I returned to Body Flow last night. I was a little nervous, admittedly. The idea of stretching and relaxing muscles seemed appealing in theory. This is mainly because I had somehow forgotten that stretching muscles even sans barbells and weights can be an extremely painful process. As I balanced myself in a long lunge in the warrior 2 pose, I thought - oh wow. I had no idea these muscles had become so weak. My muscles were shaking, sweat was beading on my forehead. I'm terribly out of shape.

But, I thought to myself, I've been running a little bit - hasn't that helped? The fact is, if you stick to the same routine than yes, you may seem to be in shape. I was finally able to run up that hill successfully. Thus, I'm getting into better shape. Then wham. One evening at Body Flow and I'm marveling at the fact that my back has way more muscles than I thought possible.

I think life is like this. You can go about your routine each day. Wake up, work, hang out with friends, volunteer in the community, go to bed. But when you break out of that routine - whatever that might mean - you realize how unexercised (note: that's not a word) you are.

A small part of me regrets starting something that has made me realize how unexercised I am. The operative word is small. I'd rather know than keep moving forward in a direction of blissful ignorance and quite frankly, impeding growth.

It may seem unbelievable that I gleaned this from one hour at a instructor led gym class, but hey - my body hurts pretty badly right now.

just dance

If you were around the age of 12 - 17 during the beginning of the new Millennium, you probably heard this song. And if you were me, you loved it.

Watch and enjoy.

ch-ch-changes

I've found it interesting that the season which is rapidly approaching has not one, but two names. Those being fall and autumn. I like autumn better. It has a romantic sound to it.

You step outside and it feels a little cooler than it did the day before. The days are getting shorter. The seasons are changing.

Personally, I'm more of a summer. I live for that day when you realize that you don't have to wear a winter coat anymore. Shed off those layers and be outside.

But autumn is nice, too. Bonfires, pumpkins, changing leaves, and a nice cardigan I guess can make up for the fact that your summer tan is fading (and fading fast, at least for me.) It makes me feel like I could write poetry like Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Here's to the 3rd autumn in which I have not had to go back to school. How sweet (and strange) it is.

never make the same mistake twice

Preface: I briefly mentioned the following occurrence in my "vacation lessons" post.

At work, we're doing a test run for an office blog and my co-worker asked if I would write a test post. This is what I wrote:

I was walking on the sidewalk. It was around 9 o’clock at night and the muggy Florida heat was slightly oppressive. I moved onward, trying to focus instead on our destination. Then, I spotted it. I did a double take, not believing my luck. Does this ever happen anymore?

A ten dollar bill lay mere inches from my feet. I cautiously leaned over. I picked it up.

Yes, it was ten dollars.

I thought back to several months prior. I had been walking to my car with a number of friends. We chattered away about things of little consequence. Then, I spotted it. A crumpled, dirty twenty dollar bill. Rather than lean over and pick it up, I hovered over it’s appealing presence. It was like the forbidden fruit. I wanted to pick it, but I couldn’t. My extreme aversion to germs and bacteria was like a force field. Instead, I announced – “does anyone want twenty dollars?”

I would live with that moment for a long time.

No, I would not make the same mistake twice.

Oh, the drama.

wish list

It's funny how something can go from non-existent in one's mind to I-need-slash-want-to-own-that. I discovered this (the Philips Wake-Up Light) on instyle.com's website. I read the description and I was hooked.

Picture this: waking up to the lingering sounds of Grieg's "Morning" as the light begins to slowly brighten. The room illumines as the music begins to swell. I can do anything and yes, it's time to begin the day.

VS.

You're surrounded by the comfortable darkness. Somewhere far away, a grating sound begins to shake you out of an all encompassing immobility. You don't want to move, you don't want to open your eyes, but you're suddenly aware that yes (unfortunately), it's time to begin the day.
I'll ruminate on this decision before making any purchase, but seriously - how do I live/wake up in the morning without it?

I'm not shallow

This show gets my stamp of approval. To preface this: for about the last 2 or so years, I really began to wonder if I would like any TV shows again. Since my dearly beloved show American Dreams passed on, I've been left with a terrible (note: I'm using this term lightly) void.

But then - wham. All of sudden I found out like a whole bunch of shows. I'm not going to exhaust this list. But you get my drift.

Ok, so this show gets my stamp of approval. It's a Lifetime show, too. Yes, Lifetime. The channel which features teen pregnancies and domestic violence.

It's called Drop Dead Diva and it's (in my opinion) hilarious. My favorite character is Stacy. She is the main character's ditzy, aspiring model friend. My favorite line went something like this:

Stacy: Scott dumped me.
Deb: Ohmygosh. I'm so sorry.
Stacy: He said I was shallow.
Deb: What? Has he seen the indie movies in your Netflix queue?

Love it. Watch it. Enjoy the when-Legally Blonde-meets-Freaky Friday-esque combination.

gams and duds

Disclaimer: I'm not intending to make a political statement here. But something does not bode well with me when a fashion magazine website begins to hyper-critique the First Lady's wardrobe and moreover, describe in detail her "gorgeous gams." Yikes. It's slightly reminiscent of the media mega-spotlighting Sarah Palin for her designer duds. Except, in her case, it (being her proclivity towards wearing high end designs) was not only a faux pas, but a piece of straw that became the bale that broke the camel's back.

Um, how about we stick to critiquing the President and not just his lovely wife's fashionable choices.

just the basics

“When you pray, rather let your heart be without words
than your words without heart.”

- John Bunyan

Sometimes when I pray, I'm saying a lot of words. I have my "script" if you will. Thank you for this and that, I pray for this...etc.

What if I had a conversation with a friend that way? (Note: I have and it's kind of sucky as a friend.) Example:

Me: "Yes, friend, I understand what you're saying and I'm sorry to...wait, what was I saying? I was distracted by the upper right hand corner of the wall and/or was trying to decide what to eat for dinner."

That's no good. So, sometimes it's better to just quiet my heart and not force myself to say all the right words right away.

get outta town

What is it about getting "out of town" that is so enticing? Pack up your car, fly down the highway, and watch the road signs whiz by. Sometimes, the destination is almost immaterial. It's anywhere but here. In my daydream, I usually imagine the windows being down and the air is a little warm, but not too warm. In actuality, I have the a/c on and I'm belting out "Perfect Day" by Hoku. Yes, I'm that girl.

Ironically, I found out after spending a week and a half out of town, all I really wanted was to be home. I wanted to be in my room and eat my own food. I wanted to walk down my sidewalk or around the neighborhood if I chose. There's a weird pull between wanting comfort, but desiring something new. Liking what you may have, but asking yourself - what else is out there? After going through the TFP, I learned that this desire is creational. We were obviously made for something else. We're surrounded by the temporal, but our soul yearns for the eternal.

I have no answers, only musings. Ah, life. Gets me every time.

desperately seeking rover

Everyone knows about mid-life crisises. Men or women decide they want to regress/repeat their youth as they come to realize that they might be getting a little older...

Is there a quarter life crisis? I think there is. And what is the sign? Getting a dog or a cat.

We might not be at an age where we want/should have children. But we have the strong and almost insatiable desire to nurture something. For some, a fern or geranium just doesn't cut it. It needs to interact, be taken for walks, or pay (sometimes exorbitantly) visits to the local veterinarian.

I had a dream last night that I had a puppy. I'd forgotten about my dream until driving to work, I see a woman walking her dog. I hear her resounding voice say, "sit!" as I drive by and suddenly, I remember my dream! I had a little puppy and he was running around. I picked him up and he/she was so cuddly with all his/her adorable furriness.

Oh no. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a puppy...just yet. But it was fun to dream for about 2.5 minutes that I had a cute little creature to nurture.

these are a few of my favorite things

• the smell of Coppertone
• vacuum lines on carpet
• clean sheets
• night sky
  
• acceptance letters
• words of encouragement

boho gone glam

Not a big Sienna Miller fan - either professionally or personally, but the girl can dress. Going back a couple years, she was the quintessential "boho chic" model. But here she is, 5 years later looking extremely well coiffed and rocking the retro-glam vibe. I like, I like.

Item # 941 on my bucket list: wear a Yves Saint Laurent gown

Movie to avoid this summer: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (unless proven otherwise)

boomerang

Since graduating from college, we (and by we, I mean those who have graduated and those who haven't - wait and see) have witnessed an interesting divergence in the lives around us. As we start school, we all seem to be on the same or at least similar tracks. We go from first to second to third (and etc.) grades, looking towards the inevitable. For some, it's college. For others it's a job or starting a family. That's where the predictability ends. All of a sudden, the road signs are not pointing towards the Rest Stop of Adulthood Beginnings, but instead the arrows are pointing left, right, and everyone in between.

Where to go? There's an interesting phenomenon that has recently been "discovered." We have become a generation that "boomerang" back home and are experiencing what has been coined as the "quarter life crisis."

Of course, there are a few variables in this sweeping generalization, but for the most part - a majority of middle class American thirty-year-olds and under will identify with this terminology.

I'm sure there are many, many more qualified sociologists and anthropologists who have studied our modern day culture and the recent changes of those young people who decide to return to the nest or experience said crisis. But really, why is this happening? One hundred years ago, such a concept would have been absurd. Let's think. What was life like one hundred years ago?

By my age, most women had been married for an average of 5 (or even more) years and would probably have 2 or 3 children. That woman would have zero time to think about having an identity crisis (due to being elbow deep in raising children and other wifely duties) and she had a home with her husband. She didn't have the option of "being" something else. My first thought is: "Thank God I didn't live 100 years ago...", but seriously - would it be so bad? Today, maybe the prospect of 34,249 (note: not a scientifically proven number) options and possible careers/lives/choices is causing such a crisis.


So what about the modern day young man/woman. What is the general consensus on the idea of moving back home? Is it economical or is it adding to this prolonged adolescence trend? Personally, I think its a little of both.

technology peeve

Growing up, I remember eagerly anticipating my favorite show coming on. I would watch the clock and hover around the family room. It was coming on in 5 minutes, I might as well at least turn on the TV. (Note: our family favorites were Avonlea, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, and Lois & Clark.)


Fast forward several years and I don't remember TV schedules. The awaited show may come and go and I won't think about it. Why is that? Well, my friends, I have a confession.

The new invention of putting episodes online has radically changed my life. I discovered it sometime in college and my eyes were opened. I vividly remember driving back to school my sophomore year and running across campus to my dorm just so I could catch the new episode of America Dreams. (Pathetic, maybe.) I turned it on just in time and I did a little victorious fist pump. But can you blame me? This was pre-TV shows online era. If I missed it, I missed it forever. Or until the reruns came on...but seriously, who watched the reruns?

Except what started as an ingenious invention has now become a minor downfall for me. Now, I have dozens of shows at my finger tips and if I decide to watch 3 in a row, who can stop me?

Believe me, I'm not a TV junkie (although I am a recovering one...) and don't schedule my time around it. But this instant gratification is killing me.

once upon a time...

I just signed up to take a fiction writing course at U.Va. I've liked writing stories since I learned the alphabet (no exaggeration: I wrote my own version of "The Little Mermaid" in the first grade - or was it kindergarten?) I'm excited. It's only 2 hours a week and I'm looking forward to hear what the instructor has to say. I mean, maybe my writing is absolute garbage. I have no idea. I've only had my parents and a couple select friends ever read my writing and critique it back.

Signing up for this class is a not-so-direct way of trying out something new. I'm wanting to try new things and pursue different interests. If I haven't written about my foray into the golfing world...I'll just have to save that for another time.

Also, I'm in the midst of reading a book called "Overcoming Indecisiveness" by Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin. It's out of print and my former supervisor was kind enough to pass it onto me. Admittedly, I've had it for quite awhile. It's sat in my room and I've looked at it. I think, "I should read that..." and then promptly find something else to distract me.

I'm at this weird (I can't think of a better way to describe it) impasse (again, I can't think of a better way to describe it.) I'm not gridlocked, but I feel as though the pause button has been put on my life. What do I do? Where should I live? What do I even want? These are just a few questions (you know, no big deal) that I've been asking myself.

Why are some of the most fundamental aspects of life - e.g. what do I want to do in life? - the most difficult? Why is it so hard to make a decision sometimes? We'll see what Dr. Rubin has to say.

I think back (to a time not even that far back) and I don't think I ever would've pictured myself at the point in which I am standing. It's not a bad thing - not at all. It's just funny the way life works. But as Dr. Rubin describes - I want to be fully participating in my life. It's easy (at least, the way I see it) to settle into a groove of becoming a spectator in one's own life.

To close, I remember this quote from that wonderful movie "The Holiday":

Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.

And what does Jesus say?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10

happy

Hydrangeas are so beautiful. They aren't my all-time favorite flowers (are hydrangeas actually flowers? And btw, yellow roses - for reasons I don't remember - are actually my favorite), but they are so beautiful with their watercolor tinted hues and fluffy appearance. Put a couple in a vase and voila!

Unfortunately they are taking over our front steps and it looks like I'll need to do a little pruning...but otherwise, they always manage to put a smile on my face.

vacation lessons

A week and a half off for vacation is a long time. It's funny how short an amount of time it takes to become adjusted to a life of no work and all play (at least it is the case for me.) I suddenly realize how much I can do in a day that isn't jammed into an hour lunch break. Leisure takes on a whole new meaning. Long lunches, waking up in the morning (usually around 8 or 9 which is late for me) and thinking to myself, "mmm, what am I going to do today?" are just a couple examples of why I love vacation.



So what did I learn during my vacation? I did learn a few things. Having time to really think about things is also part of the beauty of not being at work.

1. I found $10 in Orlando. No, this isn't exactly learning something but seriously...I found $10 on the sidewalk - how awesome is that?

2. The Harry Potter series - contrary to my popular belief - is not a complete waste of time to read. I truly believe hell froze over when I decided to start reading the books during my vacation. I mean, I was looking for something to read that wouldn't take a lot of brain power and somehow a decade of popularity and overexposure finally crept into my consciousness. I never and I mean, never thought I would read them. Currently I'm on book 3.

3. Tan lines are hot. Seriously, they are hot. Sizzling in the broiling FL heat, praying for a tan that I've been waiting for all year, resulted in my taking a dip in the pool at least every 15 minutes. #3 part 2: pools are very cool.

4. I hope I never look in a mirror while being about 20 pounds overweight and decide that wearing a bikini is a good idea. I'm saying this with the utmost respect for those who decide to wear their teensy tiny bathing suit while being...out of shape, but I hope I never do that. It doesn't look very good, sorry.

5. Playing mini golf together is a bonding experience. There are tears, frustrations, triumphs, and you tend to see sides of yourself (and others) that you never knew existed.

6. NYC is literally a concrete jungle. The skyscrapers, endless hotdog vendors, and foreign languages made me feel very small and a little lost. Left to my own devices, I would still be wandering the streets of Manhattan, probably living a life of a homeless person in Central Park.

7. Spending time with family is essential. I've known these people my whole life, but it's easy to realize how little you know them if you haven't spent that much time together recently.

8. And lastly, nothing (and I mean, nothing) feels more comfortable than your own bed.

masseuse wanted

Strike wanted. Make that NEEDED. I've been carrying all sorts of stress in my shoulders and neck. It's gotten to a point where I feel it almost 99.9% of the day. Ay yi yi. When did I become an adult? Why do I feel like I say the "s" word (and by that I mean, stress) multiple times throughout the day.

It's funny though. I don't feel like an adult, but the other day I realized that I forget what it was like to be a kid. I've tried and somehow it becomes kind of hazy. I look at children now and I think I've become the adult that I disliked at 6 years old. They'd look condescendingly at me and act like I have half a brain. I may have only possessed a grand total of 6 years, but I knew everything. I knew how the world worked and daggonit, why didn't someone just hand over my driver's license and lease me my own apartment? Oh and that boy in the corner who talked to himself and went digging for worms on the playground...stay away from him.

So, masseuses needed. I'll pay handsomely in the form of friendship and kid's meals.

judging books by covers

I'll be the first to admit that I like looking at pictures of clothes and the celebrities in them. Instyle.com is one of my favorites. Yet, over the course of this past year I've come more and more to the realization that even though those beautiful articles of clothing, hair, make-up, and faces are indeed -beautiful - it falls short. It doesn't last forever. Eventually those clothes will become laughably out of style and those pretty faces will get gasp! a wrinkle and age spots.

So just when I start to bank a lot more on outer appearances than I should, I've been humbled and realize that the shell, the exterior will change. It inevitably changes. The question I ask myself is - what if all my attention, time, and cultivating has only been directed towards the exterior? What will happen if/when it goes away? What am I left with?

That's the crux of it. Outside = nice but wholly temporal. Inside = maybe harder to see but ultimately, where true beauty comes from.

The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever.
-- Isaiah 40:8

goodnight moon

Sleep is so essential. I tossed and turned last night. Has that ever happened to you? Regardless of whether the covers are on or off, you're on your side, arms flung out, etc. - you cannot get comfortable? I even tried to read at 1AM. My eyes got bleary and eventually I had to stop. My body was sending me the message loud and clear: you are tired...sleep! Yet, I could not. My mind raced 1853 mph (not a scientifically proven speed.)

It's in those moments. As I start to think that I may end up watching the sunrise, how human I am. I cannot even will myself to sleep. It's in those quiet, dark moments that I pray - God, help me to rest. I can't seem to make myself - help me to find rest in You. It may not always work as fast as an Ambien or something, but even in rest, we need to place it before Christ.

throwback

I wrote this in the 8th grade. The assignment was to write a haiku about a scene from the book My Antonia by Willa Cather.

Sitting side by side,
Watching the vivid blue sky.
A friendship began.

The funny thing is, I actually memorized it. And still remember it - 10 years later. We had to recite it in the front of the class. I was nervous. Maybe my nerves caused the words to become seared into my memory.

mystery of genetics

I discovered something today and thought I'd share...




This is a "Zonkey" or more correctly called a Zedonk. What is that you may ask? It's a cross between a donkey and a zebra. Yes, my friends, they do exist. And yes, looking at this picture makes me laugh a little bit.

where history comes alive

I'm in the midst of reading a book entitled Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. It's written by Jamie Ford, a great-grandson of a Chinese immigrant. The story centers around Henry Lee, a first generation Chinese American citizen, living in the aftermath of the bombing of Pearl Harbor and subsequent Japanese evacuation and transportation to internment camps.

I'm familiar with this time period in history. I know that thousands of Japanese American citizens were forced to live in the most desolate of places for years. The President allowed it and a majority of people thought it was the right thing to do - because of fear. They were afraid not only of external attacks, but attacks from their own neighbors. The man running the local restaurant or the woman teaching in a nearby school. These events occurred only 60 years ago.

Reading a book like this reminds me of the Dear America series. I was absolutely in love with those books for at least 4 years of my growing up life. My most favorite was Across the Wide and Lonesome Prairie. It was about a teenage girl traveling the Oregon Trail. There were broken limbs, cases of Typhoid, fording rivers, and of course, falling in love. My 12-year-old self recipe for book-dom perfection. I've always been fascinated with history. To see and try to understand how people lived before us. I mean, what seems like a story to us was a reality to them.

There is something rich about understanding history. It's a shame to me if history is made into something dry - chronological dates, long detailed-filled lectures, etc. I was fortunate to have a wonderful history teacher growing up. She made history seem...well, applicable. They were people too and look! this is how they lived. This is what they experienced, this is what they saw...and yes, what can we learn from it?

I am definitely pro-reading. And pro-understanding history.

reality television

This makes me sad. Jon and Kate Gosselin started out as a "normal" couple...complete with a set a twins and a set of sextuplets. Okay, so maybe their lives were never destined to be normal, but I do believe that the blaring media spotlight and attention did not help in their quest to Normalville. (note: maybe they never wanted normalcy, who knows.) Point being, I for one will be very deeply saddened if the couple decides to divorce.

All those little children, all the lampooning and/or libel, the fact that they have become role models...the list goes on. I would argue to say that nothing good has come out of the Gosselin family being on reality television.

Yes, I believe the first couple of seasons were wonderful. (Their kids are absolutely precious.) I was a big fan. But, as they gained a larger fan base, Kate's hair became crazier, and then the paparazzi - it only went downhill. And I don't even want to get into the effects of having a large camera crew following your every move as a 5-year-old.

I guess we'll see come Monday...

inspired

the future of comfort

Now, I would venture to say that approximately 99% of all women have been in this situation. You're dressed up and have places to go. The dress is just right and then you grab those pair of heels. They're cute and go with your dress perfectly. Except, the memories hit you. Like a tidal wave of excruciating pain. They're deceptive. They don't hurt for the first hour and then you find yourself limping with a disguised grimace and waving off people who suggest you should just take them off. (I mean, have you seen the floor...) But, like someone who is a glutton for punishment, you put them on...again.

Eureka! Someone thought of an oh-so ingenious idea. Flats out of a vending machine! Err...what? Yes, flats out of a vending machine. Unfortunately, they are not available in the U.S., but I'm sure that's only a matter of time. It's one of those, why-didn't-I-think-of-that moments...

lovely lemon chiffon

I love this Tommy Hilfiger dress. Again, I don't really think it's my style, the neckline especially. But the color is great and retro-ish. And also, January Jones looks fantastic in pretty much anything she wears. January is a cute name. I wish I was gutsy (or oblivious?) enough to name my child (read: "what's in a name" post for more on my obsession with baby names) something like that or maybe a day of the week. Imagine a little girl named Tuesday running around...(I have met someone with the name Tuesday.)

Anyway, randomness apparently abounds in my brain today. Sometimes its nice to be silly and then blog about silly things.

the reality is

¹O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

- Psalm 63:1

¹How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD of hosts!
²My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.

- Psalm 84:1-2

the interpretation of dreams

I've been having a reoccurring dream. The location and situation frequently changes, but one factor remains the same. I'm somewhere (e.g. a concrete sidewalk) and all of a sudden, the path becomes impossibly steep. It gets so steep to the point that I'm backsliding. I'm trying to grasp onto something (usually a shrubbery - you can imagine how effective that would be), but it causes me to panic even more. I'm grasping, my feet are slipping, and I really, really don't want to skin my knees (yes, I actually consciously think that in my dreams.) Why am I dreaming these things?

I have my theories, but I don't like them. Something along the lines of my life is changing, anxiety, stress, blah blah blah. Dreams are funny. Not ha-ha funny, but funny because they can be telling. Some dreams can be thrown out the window. You know, the ones were neurons were obviously firing haphazardly. But sometimes dreams can tell us how we're feeling - internally.

Another example took place shortly before I graduated from high school. I dreamed that I was walking around a school complete with long linoleum halls that are a beige-y pale yellow. I was the only person there and was lost. A spiral staircase even made an appearance (note: my high school did not have a spiral staircase.) Clearly, I was anxious about my next step in life: COLLEGE.

Like I said, dreams can be funny sometimes. I was obviously feeling something, but mentally telling myself other things. Sometimes we just need to feel what we're feeling and know that its okay. Even when it may involve getting a little lost in a long beige-y yellow hall or suddenly scaling a concrete hill.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
- Isaiah 41:10

newsflash or maybe not so new

No matter how old I get, I realize that I will never become a completely different person from who I was as a child, adolescent, etc. I mean, I can change, grow up, and hopefully become more responsible, etc. but that inner individual doesn't change too much.


I have an inner nerd-me. I grew up reading voraciously - using big words and getting a lot of flack for it for so many years. (I mean, clandestine is really cool word, right?) And loving American history and documentaries like the ones Ken Burns makes. I'm not ashamed. Oh and I'm also a fan of the Sims games. Like I said, no shame.

I'm not really sure why I wanted to share this. It's good to keep it real every now and then. Just when I think I'm getting too cool, I remember how after transferring into a new school during the eighth grade, I told my class that my favorite show was "Touched By An Angel." Oh yeah.

is it just me?

This article surfaced after I had been looking online at various sunglasses. The operative word being "looking." The odds of me finding a pair of sunglasses is almost non-existent. It was a years long search, but I finally found a pair of BCBG Max Azria sunglasses a couple years ago and I immediately snatched them up. I didn't care about cost - they fit my face! Why, you may ask, was this such a outstanding moment for me? Well, the older I get, the more I realize that I am, indeed Asian. The funny thing is (among many other things that would arise from discussing this topic), for awhile I thought it was just me. Why was it so difficult for me to find sunglasses that would fit me? Did I have a genetic mutation? Was I...abnormal? I couldn't understand especially since the abundance of sunglasses seen in department stores were fitting everyone else!

But no, I am not alone. I am only one of 90 ba-jillion (not a scientific amount) who have encountered this issue. Designer Fei Wang even decided to create an entire line to combat her inability to find well-fitting sunglasses. Oakley offers "Asian fit" options. I'm officially part of the club and I am not, after all, the result of a genetic mutation.

This is yet another moment. Another I-guess-I'm-growing-into-myself moment in which I realize that I need to accept myself for who I am. Non-sunglasses-friendly face and all.

upside down

This will only be a mild rant. I had a brief conversation today about the entertainment industry. I'll be the first to admit that I love movies. I like celebrities. The whole glitz and glamour of the Hollywood lifestyle is fascinating to me. Driving an Aston Martin and owning a dozen homes across the globe has an appealing draw to it, I suppose. When I really think about it though, it seems ridiculous. Is it really necessary to own that much...stuff?

Reese Witherspoon tops the list of highest paid actress. She makes 10 to 15 million dollars per film. Yes, 10 to 15 million. I hear that number and I'm like, okay. And then I really try to wrap my mind around a salary that's in the millions. I can't. No wonder she buys jewelry and bags that cost thousands a pop.

Why are actors and actresses paid so much? I realize they are talented. They can convey a story, emotion, message in a way that can move an audience. I might and I mean might understand a salary of 500,000 a film. That's a lot of money especially when you add endorsements, other films, and the jewelry/clothes and other things that are just given to them. But in the millions?

Why are they paid so much and educators so little? I think this is a question that I may never figure out.

make the world a better place

Smiling is an interesting facial expression. I don't know how many different kinds of smiles there are, but I think they are as numerous as there are types of people. Showing lots of teeth, closed mouth, pursed lips, the Grinch smile...you get my drift. I really like the show Lie to Me. If you haven't watched it - please do. It gets my stamp of approval and not that I'm on the top of the television critics heap, but its not only entertaining, but you can learn something too! (And not the fact that I should be paranoid at all times because there are multiple rapists or something on the street - i.e. C.S.I. or Law & Order.) Me, being a former psychology major I suppose, am inherently interested in human behavior. What makes people tick? Why do they act the way they do?

Smiling is something that I'm trying to be better at. Growing up, my parents would have probably described me as a "storm cloud." I'd walk down the stairs with a frown and a bad attitude. I guess being 12 years old had something to do with that, but nevertheless - after some guided parenting, I realized that I needed to smile more. No one (and I mean, no one) likes a storm cloud.

The facial feedback hypothesis states that our facial expressions can actually change our mood/emotional experience. Isn't that cool? Try it sometime. If you're ever feeling down, just smile. You'll actually find yourself smiling for real and maybe even laughing (partially out of the fact that you're smiling to yourself, but also because it makes you feel...well, better somehow.)

precious

I got caught behind the school bus today. I know that I'm not exactly "on time" when I see that yellow vehicle pull out in front of me at the four-way stop sign in the morning. As I puttered along, stopping with sufficient room separating me from the bus full of children, I think about how I'm going to be at least 2 minutes behind. A whole 2 minutes, what a travesty. I'm annoyed. At their last stop before taking a turn down a street, three or four children come running out of the house and clamor up the bus's steps. They are different races and I've wondered if they live in a foster home. Most likely, but there are usually 5 different explanations for any conclusion. As the bus begins moving forward, a little girl (who is no older than 2) runs out of the house and waves goodbye to her siblings. She waves in such a way that only a child can - excited, hopeful, and eager to communicate to the outside world. It was so sweet, I think I even audibly said "awww." I'm glad I saw that this morning and maybe even a little glad I got caught behind the school bus.

afternoon drive

She rolled the window down.  Her dark hair wrapped around her face and moved in time with the breeze.  The air was sweet and summery.   Beads of sweat lined her forehead and occasionally trickled down.  It was an afternoon for a drive.  There was no particular destination.   Her phone had been silenced, but she wasn’t expecting any calls. 

A field of cows appeared to her right and she glanced at its inhabitants.  A nondescript brown one stared at her and watched her dark gray sedan bounce over the slight dips in the road.  A calf hobbled to its mother and flicked its tail in excitement.  It must be mealtime, she thought to herself.  It was almost seven o’clock and her stomach grumbled in acknowledgement.  

She had started the habit of taking afternoon drives shortly after her freshman year of college.  She was in a new town and didn’t know the roads anyway.  It started out as a mission to find a coffee shop, but soon turned into an adventure of sorts.  She learned to bring her camera in expectation of seeing a particularly beautiful tree or geese eager to model.   A majority of the photos ended up in a file on her computer labeled “miscellaneous.” 

Thinking back to her many drives, she was never quite sure what occupied her mind for an hour.  Often it was upcoming assignments or a conversation during that day.  Now that she had graduated, it was centered on relationships or future plans.  She had started a new job that last Fall and it was going well.  Her long-term goals were fuzzy at best, but she always imagined one person in particular as a constant.  Now that he was out of the picture, she noticed her hands gripping the steering wheel even harder.  It was never anything serious, he said.  She was speechless.  Even now she hadn’t been able to tell anyone yet.   She left asking him for his definition of “serious.”  It wasn’t a good comeback, but she was never very good at those.

The gray-green bridge appeared ahead.  She pulled to the side of the road.  Gingerly she opened the door and created a cloud of dust with her feet as she walked towards the wooden structure. 

It was the farthest thing from a secure, sound structure.  It was borderline condemned.  She knew which spots to avoid and barely place her weight.  Finally she sat down on a beam towards the end of the bridge.  She would’ve driven the other way, but she was never able to figure out how to get to the other side of the small stream.  She also liked an air of mystery surrounding the bridge.  She imagined people a hundred years ago walking across and then driving their wagons or antique cars over it. 

Names of couples littered the inside and she had already taken several pictures of them.  “J.S. + L.J.”  One day she would write a story about this couple and it would be a tragic love story at best, she told herself.  She had taken him there several times.  He would always roll his eyes at the etched hearts and declarations of undying affection.  "Cheesy, Claire.  Cliche."  

"I like cheesy."  She would pseudo pout and he would laugh as they continued following the stream’s winding path.

She was alone this time.  She liked it better that way.  Her feet clapped themselves together and cast a wobbly reflection in the water below.  It was rippling as the breeze picked up slightly.  A movement in the corner of her eye caused her heart to beat faster.  Was the owner of the land finally onto her? 

The figure’s familiar stance and black striped shirt caused her heart to stop.

"Hey Claire."

Looking up she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as a drop of sweat made its way down her face.

"Hey Matt."