dog eat dog

I have a confession to make. I'm terrible at meet and greet situations. I consider myself a fairly personable person and able to make conversation. I can even carry a conversation for more than 5 minutes if I try hard enough. But, for the life of me I still get that "I'm-about-to-perform-in-front-of-500-people" feeling when I have to introduce myself to someone. I play it out in my head:

I look at the stranger awkwardly. We both know that we don't each other and that a simple hello would quickly dissolve the sheet of anonymity. I think to myself, why doesn't someone introduce us? That would be too easy...

I try to get eye contact. Maybe I just need to muster up the courage and say, "hi, I don't know you, but my name is so-and-so." Substitute so-and-so with "Jamie" or maybe "world's shyest person." Either/or.

I don't think I'm shy. But get me in a situation as stated above and I'm 5 years old on the first day of school. I remember my first day of school. I got to bring a stuffed animal with me. He was a stuffed dog named Scruffy. Maybe that would help future situations...

craftiness

I want a new hobby. In high school and part of college, my big hobby was scrapbooking. My two best friends and I would spread our colored paper, die cuts, pictures, and any number of other "crafty things" all over the floor. We'd have to avoid the piles and stacks of creativity very carefully. One of my personal favorites was finding magazine pictures of words that fit the theme on my page.

I miss scrapbooking, but unfortunately, it's a very time-consuming hobby. (And actually pretty expensive too.) In order to make a really good scrapbook, it requires easily 3-4 hours of undivided attention. And that is only getting started on it. I guess I took it a little [too] seriously.

But isn't that the point? I mean, if you are going to do something - you should do it well. You could make a scrapbook and easily paste pictures onto a page, but then imagine pulling it out for your friends, family members, or even future children. If I'm going to spend time putting memories together, I want it to be the best representation possible. I guess I could chalk this up as perfectionism. But rather, I think it communicates how I view work (or hobbies, whatever the case may be.) If you're going to do something, you should do it well. Not perfect, but well.

What will be my new hobby? I'm still working on that part...

the early bird gets the worm

I don't know if there is a condition for not being able to get up before 7:00 syndrome. I can hardly wake up and when I do, I have to drag myself out of bed. I've long considered myself an early bird. Getting up early is the opportunity to be more productive and set a good tone for the day, if you will. Unfortunately, that isn't happening anymore. I open my eyes and stare at the reflective lamp on my nightstand. Also, I really don't like my alarm clock song. It's Martina McBride's "This One's for the Girls." I used to like it, but then the lyric line of talking about 45-year-old women throwing pennies into the fountain of youth began to disturb me. (Refer to yesterday's post and you'll understand a little more why...) I guess I should change it (the song, that is.)

I wonder if I would like it if I could wake up at any time and then mosey into whatever work/commitment/scheduled event. I think I'd like it for about a week. Then, I would start to feel...unproductive. And maybe a little lazy. It's good to feel a slight pressure knowing that you're needed somewhere at a specific time. Your presence would be missed if you were a half hour late or so. For now, I'll try to appreciate my early mornings.

day one

I'm going to try to blog. I've thought about it for awhile now. I never really understood the concept, to be honest. I mean, there are journals. Why not just journal? Then I realize how nice it is to have someone read something you wrote. To have something "out there" that is not only for yourself. I'm not a writer, but when/if I ever write I short story - I want someone to read it. That way, this little world I just created is not just in my own head. Someone else can enjoy it and ask questions or add comments. Basically, I think our lives are better when people are involved. This thought reminds me of a quote that I like.

"If loving other people is a bit of heaven then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live."
- Donald Miller

I'm almost 24 which is incredibly weird to think about, but also - I'm thinking about what I've learned. Life is hard. I feel as though I'm in the midst of a weird life phase. I'm not a kid (as evidenced by the looming number 24), but I don't really feel like an adult. My mom called me today to ask me for advice. Who am I? Where am I? What happened to my mom having all the answers and me asking her? I love the fact that I'm getting older - honestly. I love the independence and the whole figuring everything out thing. Don't get me wrong. But there are times when I just want to be 6 years old and fighting with my parents about wearing my purple Osh Kosh overalls for the third day in a row. But you can't be 6 forever. Let's think about that and then you get books like "Tuck Everlasting." Not good. I guess I'll stick with 24 (and then 25, 26...) and take each year as it comes. I'll take joy in today.

That's it for now.