Well, here I am again.
I was thinking about something. A student that I've been working with - I got this picture in my mind. I'm the type of person who visualizes things as people talk to me, especially in a counseling situation.
As the student spoke about frustrations, anxieties, struggles, lack of motivation, etc. - I felt like I was being guided by one of those road workers with flags and reflective strips. He was trying to show me where to go - but more than that, I felt like he was trying to manipulate me into thinking that the only way for the situation to be resolved was by doing "x-y-z". The road blocks were up and I was forced into the shoulder of the highway. Rumble strips and all.
He was forcing my hand. It's like... emotional black mail. "If you really want to help me, this is what you'll do." It sucks. It sucks when people do that. Because I, on the other hand, see things from a very different perspective. There are no road workers and hard hats. No flags. No concrete road blocks. I see a totally different route. Actually, it's not even on a road. Ok, I'm going overboard with this word picture analogy.
I realize as I'm sitting here that I kind of do that with God. I tell him all my tales of woe. This hurts, this bothers me, this isn't right. And here's how it can be made better by doing "x-y-z". Am I roadblocking God? Directing him on how to be God?
I don't have answers. Just sitting with the frustration. And the epiphany that I'm doing what frustrates me almost on a daily basis. He sees something totally different. He isn't controlled by the flags or the rumble strips. He sees above and beyond and below and in-between all that stuff.
Help me to trust. Help me to be humble. I pray for mercy as you lead me in ways that I don't understand.
