limbo is a difficult place to be

I can't seem to find it in me to journal nowadays.  I have these words inside, needing to be poured out onto a page - any page, but the thought of opening up my journal seems daunting.  I don't know why.  I have been graduated for almost a month now.  I'm in a state of limbo and honestly, completely unsure of what my next step will be.  


I've had big decisions in my life before.  Where to go to college, what to major in, what to do after college.  Big decisions that would effect the trajectory of my life.  These are so anxiety-inducing.  I wish they weren't, but they are.


This is probably one of the biggest decisions I've ever made.  Because, depending on where I end up, I could be there for several years.  In other words, if I end up on X place, I'd be setting down roots.  I'd be making friends, pursuing hobbies, furthering my education, and maybe even meeting the man I'll marry.  Is that even possible?  


God, what will I be doing?  What should I do?  What do I want to do?


I've even told people that there's no such thing as the "only" way to do something.  You make a decision and by surely, God can use it.  I remember how I went to Australia and how mightily God was in that time.  I'm still awed by it.  He can do something like that again.  Yes, He can.


These are just a few thoughts.  I'm frustrated and waiting.  I'm hopeful and waiting.

I'm procrastinating [again]

Chipotle + Coldplay? I think I died and went to Mexican-inspired food + melancholy music heaven.

how I want to be

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joyful, prayerful, thankful. 'nuff said.

I'm procrastinating

There really is no getting around that fact. But I've witnessed the cutest thing in the world. Picture this:

A small child, dark hair and wearing corduroy pants is humming to himself. He walks over to the magazine display, places his "Archie" comic book back and carefully selects another one. He stands on tiptoes to find just the right one. Repeat several times.

I can't even pretend I'm doing work when I can witness such a precious sight.

never, never, never give up

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:13-14

Sweet Jesus, this verse gets me right here. I can't even stand it. Can this possibly be true? It is so agonizing having to wait. Be strong and take heart. What agonizingly beautiful words. I remain confident of this. How many things am I really confident about? I think I can count on one hand - make that, one finger - the number of things I'm truly confident about. I will see the goodness of the LORD - goodness, sweet goodness that is beyond my crudely man-made imitation. And better yet, it will happen in the land of the living - not 390 years from my lifetime, but while I walk the face of the planet.

Thank you, sweet Lord. I am confident of this. I will see your goodness in the land of the living. Be strong and take heart. I will wait. Be strong and take heart.

perpetuating high school

"I feel like I’m part of a generation of people who are stuck in the past and are really self-absorbed. I mean, we’re actually taking pictures of ourselves and posting them on Facebook, and keeping in touch with people that should have been out of our lives 15 years ago. Obsessing over who’s getting married, who’s having kids, who’s more successful. It’s like we’re recreating high school every single day using social media. And it’s weird."

-Diablo Cody, screenwriter of "Young Adult" and "Juno"

Interesting. . .and I think I fit into this category all too well. Is it too late to change? Here's the rest of the article.

a good father (thanks, Dad)

I had a conversation the other day about the importance of a good father. I've often heard the analogy between our "Earthly" father with our Heavenly Father. Without those childhood memories and upbringing of a good father, how in the world are we supposed to view God?

It really sunk in deeply these past couple days. What does it mean to have a good father?

This is what I learned from having a good father:

- unwavering confidence: it doesn't matter if I have a question about finances, car maintenance, weather or health - I can rest assured that my Dad will have a confident answer. If my Dad says "it will be okay" then yes, it will be okay. What a gift to still think this as a twenty-mumble-mumble year old.

- provider: I never lived a day of my life in need of something that wasn't given to me (food? check. clothing? check. shelter? check.) I think only 12% (not a scientifically proven number) of the world's population can honestly state this.

- unconditional validation/approval: never underestimate the power of "I am proud of you" or "I believe you can do this". I know that I'm not the best, brightest or most highest achieving individual that ever walked the planet (or am I?) But I do know that regardless, I will always have someone rooting for my continued success. I don't have to prove myself. No jumping through hoops and no strings attached.

- listener: it doesn't matter how big or small, my Dad listens. I'm a silly person, too. Yet, I've never felt insignificant.

- admonisher: ok, this actually hasn't been applicable since like, high school (the years I was a brat). And since I'm perfect now. . . I can't even finish that sentence. A good father lays down the law and yessir, I needed that.

- loving: I know that my Dad loves me. (see above for reasons why)

I'll leave with this story. I was about 5 or 6. Our family was on a vacation that required an incredible amount of walking. And since I was 5 or 6 and it was really hot, I got tired (naturally). My Dad carried me. And somewhere along the line, I fell asleep. I think I slept for an hour or maybe 2 (it may have been 30 minutes, who knows). All I know is that when I woke up, my Dad was still carrying me. Did he get tired of carrying me? I have no idea. I never heard complaints that he was holding a 40 pound body heater/sack of potatoes. And I felt safe. . . a little guilty, but mostly safe and secure. Strength begets confidence.

Because that's what a good father does.

is this real life?

There are a couple swears (oops) but this video is great.

Can myself and my entire generation receive this message loud and clear, puh-lease?! Social media and technology are not real life. Get unplugged and LIVE.