another day of firsts

Tomorrow will be my first day of graduate school. I will walk into that class, armed with paper and pen and try to exert as much brainpower into that room as possible.

I remember my first day of school ever. I held up a sign with my little friends that our moms carefully placed into our small hands. They took pictures. I remember looking at the foreign looking symbols on the sign and thinking, I will be able to actually read what's written on this after today. (Side note: the sign read "First Day of School, September 1990.")

I remember my first day of high school. I had agonized over my outfit. I mean, agonized. After thinking, re-thinking, and over-analyzing, I selected a long-sleeved light blue top from Gap, khaki shorts, and my new Steve Madden black platform sandals. Oh, I was set. Fast forward to the next day, I couldn't find my class. Yes, I was late to my very first class in high school and as I walked to my seat in Biology, I stumbled over those formerly beloved Steve Maddens. I never saw them the same way after that.

I remember my first day of college. Again, I agonized over my outfit (I'm seeing a trend here...) I wanted to look "college-y", grown-up, self-assured. Heart-pounding, I walked to the building and sat down in the front row of Statistics. I organized my spiral notebook to be flush with the desk corner. The professor began speaking and it began, I was in college.

As I begin my next step, I will consciously not agonize over an outfit (ok, maybe just a little) and take a few deep breaths. I'll be a graduate student and at the end of the day, I couldn't do any worse than end up tripping in front of my entire class...

life-changing/giving

If I haven't said it enough already, please read anything by Shauna Niequist. Her latest book, Bittersweet was published about a month ago and I've already had several "I have to ruminate on that" moments. Just a couple examples:

Grace Is The New Math (p. 83)

"I used to think that the ability to turn back time would be the greatest possible gift, so that I could undo all the things I wish I hadn't done. But grace is an even better gift, because it allows me to do more than just erase; it allows me to become more than I as when I did those things. It's forgiveness without forgetting, which is much sweeter than amnesia." (I italicized for emphasis.)

Twenty-five (p. 90, and yes - it's an entry that's directed to those who are twenty-five-ish.)

"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path."

It's real, honest, and vulnerable. She shares things that I would probably not (just because of pride/fear...) Basically, she implores us all to stop and think. Do a gut check, look around you and don't be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions (e.g. Am I proud of the life I'm living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? Do the people I'm spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that's keeping me from moving forward? - these are all examples listed in Twenty-five.)

It's not an easy thing, don't get me wrong. But it's an encouragement. A rallying cry to take heart and have courage - God is gracious.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this to come...

things are happening

The above is not only true, but also a beloved quote by one Elizabeth Lemon from the show 30 Rock.

OH gosh. Life is crazy when "things are happening." Changing locations, jobs (or no jobs at all...), friend circles. Classes are starting SO soon and I'll have to readjust for that. Just when I was getting used to making 2 trips to Target a day and scheming the next project to make the apartment look more homey...BAM. Hello, reality, please enter my life.

I miss the old, the comfortable. But I also like the new and maybe not-so comfortable as well. It's an odd place.

I'm trying to remind myself that despite the changes, I cling to the hope that is in Christ Jesus. He is the reason I'm here. The reason I'm calling this new city "home" and kind of having the living daylights scared out of me on a daily basis.

It's an odd place to be waiting, with hands open - waiting to be filled.

hello, world

Well, here I am. New city, sitting at a Chick-fil-A getting free Wi-Fi since our apartment is without. It's been a crazy whirlwind of packing, unpacking, stubbing toes on boxes, and eating dry cereal out of the box because I can't find a clean bowl. OH yes. It's insanity at its finest.

God is good and He is still here amidst the craziness. I have to remind myself of this. As I'm on hold with the Financial Aid office again for the 15th time, I'm reminding myself.