once upon a time...

I just signed up to take a fiction writing course at U.Va. I've liked writing stories since I learned the alphabet (no exaggeration: I wrote my own version of "The Little Mermaid" in the first grade - or was it kindergarten?) I'm excited. It's only 2 hours a week and I'm looking forward to hear what the instructor has to say. I mean, maybe my writing is absolute garbage. I have no idea. I've only had my parents and a couple select friends ever read my writing and critique it back.

Signing up for this class is a not-so-direct way of trying out something new. I'm wanting to try new things and pursue different interests. If I haven't written about my foray into the golfing world...I'll just have to save that for another time.

Also, I'm in the midst of reading a book called "Overcoming Indecisiveness" by Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin. It's out of print and my former supervisor was kind enough to pass it onto me. Admittedly, I've had it for quite awhile. It's sat in my room and I've looked at it. I think, "I should read that..." and then promptly find something else to distract me.

I'm at this weird (I can't think of a better way to describe it) impasse (again, I can't think of a better way to describe it.) I'm not gridlocked, but I feel as though the pause button has been put on my life. What do I do? Where should I live? What do I even want? These are just a few questions (you know, no big deal) that I've been asking myself.

Why are some of the most fundamental aspects of life - e.g. what do I want to do in life? - the most difficult? Why is it so hard to make a decision sometimes? We'll see what Dr. Rubin has to say.

I think back (to a time not even that far back) and I don't think I ever would've pictured myself at the point in which I am standing. It's not a bad thing - not at all. It's just funny the way life works. But as Dr. Rubin describes - I want to be fully participating in my life. It's easy (at least, the way I see it) to settle into a groove of becoming a spectator in one's own life.

To close, I remember this quote from that wonderful movie "The Holiday":

Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.

And what does Jesus say?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10