weary

I don't even realize it's happening 99% of the time. I know after the fact. When I'm exhausted and weary. When I feel like a stage performer who's had two encores. 

The inauthenticity is burdensome and draining. 

I've been laboring and trying so hard to keep up an appearance of acceptability. It's been happening for so long that I wonder what is the charade. 

In the silence and solitude, I want to extract the memories of times I tried too hard. I labored too hard to be something I wasn't. More funny. More sociable. More smiling. 

I want to take those memories and replace them with grace. With rest. With the comfort of knowing that I only have to be myself. 

Do you feel like you're laboring? Like me, do you willingly step onto a treadmill at a speed that's too fast and now, you don't know how to step off of it? 

Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. - Jesus